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November 23, 2009

Vulnerability grabs onto my shoulders, pulling me, weighing me down.  A lead blanket that is hard to shed.  I fight it with everything that I can.  Darkeness hovers and with the blink of an eye, may consume me. 

I can not take a pill or have a drink, I may become an addict.  My head hurts, I may have a brain tumor.  My shoulders and neck are tight and I feel like I will die.  My throat is tight and my heart palpatates.  Dis-ease infects my body and the darkness hovers.  I have been here many times before, I have gotten to know my dis-eases, but it is never easy, never. 

Don’t get me wrong I am really OK.  I am healing perfectly.  This is just what I must deal with, the harsh reality of what my life has become.  I don’t get these feelings everyday, in fact not very much at all anymore, but they are still with me and they rear their ugly head.  It is this time of year when I feel most suseptible.  The time of year when the attack happened.  It has almost been 4 years and so much has gotten better.  I will never, ever, be who I was, and that is fine. I must except who I am now, love it and cherish it and move forward.  My girls learn from me and more than anything, I want them to be happy, healthy children bursting with love and life.

One Comment leave one →
  1. November 28, 2009 4:12 pm

    Pick up my 2nd book if you get a chance, it was just published this month. It is in bookstores. I think I might have some words in there that may help. It is called “Living For Today”
    My first book is Stolen Innocence which you may have heard of.

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