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April 22, 2010

I haven’t talked much about Luna’s recovery.  She is very well, a happy, sincere little girl.  I have always called her an “old soul.”  She has the wisdom of an elder and has helped me tremendously in my healing.  I find if I really listen to her, she gives me answers to really difficult questions that I have about myself.  She is the epitome of beauty and compassion, and I am so proud she picked me to be her mother.

The day after the attack, I called Luna’s pediatrician.  I shared the events of the previous day with him, telling him of the attack.  I asked him what I could expect from Luna.  He assured me that children are resilient and that she was too young to remember.  I hung up the phone knowing in my heart that Luna was not a little girl who was going to just forget what happened that day.  She was still acting very normal for a two-year old many days after the attack.  But, she was definitely carrying a burden, and I could hear it in her voice when she would ask “are you okay mommy?” 

We were staying with my parents after the attack.  One of my father’s friends came to the house a few days later.  He rang the doorbell and then walked into the kitchen.  My Luna convulsed with pure fear.  Terrified, she called for me, and when I picked her up to console her, she clenched her little body around me and sobbed.  I knew that this incident was a trigger for her and that she was going to need help.  She reacted in this way a few other times shortly after the attack.  The doorbell is still a trigger for her.  She does not react like she did that day, but she immediately stiffens up and does not relax until she knows we are all safe.

I will continue to write about Luna’s experiences in the following posts.  This is one of the most difficult parts, because I really don’t want to think about what my girl has had to go through and what she has lost.  I just have to remind myself of all that she has gained, and that she really is a loving and happy little girl.  I am very proud of her.

5 Comments leave one →
  1. Linda permalink
    April 22, 2010 9:48 pm

    You and Luna are true gifts to each other, my friend.

  2. April 22, 2010 11:08 pm

    I read your story at Violence Unsilenced and, like so many of the stories there, I am not speechless. I am encouraged by your strength and your conviction. I am inspired by you and your darling little Luna. I am motivated to make sure others know of Violence Unsilenced.
    Blessings to you and yours,

  3. April 23, 2010 2:24 am

    sending you strength, my new surviving friend. your voice is strong and your love for luna is immense. please keep writing.

  4. April 23, 2010 5:45 pm

    Just read your story at VU and now have been reading some of your posts here. I am shaking. I also get the resentment you had toward friends and family with ‘normal’ lives though not for the same reasons. I am so happy you focused on the good things for the anniversary. And I too believe you are not a victim – you are a survivor. Thanks for sharing your story.

  5. April 23, 2010 8:32 pm

    I just read your story and I wanted you to know that what you did in protecting your daughter was simply amazing and miraculous. I cannot imagine being violated in that way (or ANY way) and being able to keep my wits about me. Your daughter is alive and well thanks to your quick thinking.
    Thank you so much for sharing your story.

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